First let’s unpack the term Empathy, and get a very clear idea of what it is, in its most simplified terms. Empathy is the ability to understand the emotions and feelings of others.
What’s the difference between sympathy and empathy?
Where sympathy is the ability to feel for someone’s situation, without being particularly emotionally moved by it, empathy is closer to the term of being in another’s shoes, in other words, feeling the feelings of the person with whom you are empathising.
There are three parts to empathy; cognitive, emotive, and empathic. In more simplified terms, we experience empathy through thoughts, feelings and actions.
The opposite of empathy is someone who is aloof, apathetic, callous, cruel, disinterested, and indifferent, and at the extreme end, we have psychopathy, in which a person is totally and completely incapable of relating to another’s feelings.
Are you with me so far?
Empathy is a good thing right?
Well yes, empathy is an excellent thing, but only if it is within boundaries.
So what is Hyper-Empathy? Is it the same as Toxic Empathy? For that matter, what is Empathy Disorder, or Hyper-Empathy Disorder? The answer is they are all fairly interchangeable terms for describing having too much empathy.
How can you have too much empathy? Isn’t more, better?
Not exactly, no.
A toxic empath goes further than understanding, relating and standing with the person. They actually experience, absorb and mirror the other person’s feelings with the same or sometimes, even more, intensity, to the point where the toxic empath finds it difficult or even impossible to function normally because of the person’s situation they are focussing on.
An example would be if the toxic empath’s friend has a very poorly dog, which may have to be put to sleep. A normal amount of empathy would be to offer comfort to the friend, perhaps offer help in some way, but then get on with normal life, until they check in on the friend later that day, but a toxic empath would be inconsolable, and may struggle to concentrate at work, could be irritable with others, may cancel social arrangements, etc. There are even more extreme versions, but we don’t need to concern ourselves with that here.
Toxic empathy occurs when the individual finds difficulty in distinguishing their own primary emotions from another person’s. There is a distinct lack of ability to control personal emotions andthe toxic empath experiences emotional contagion rather than simple empathy. This can lead to the toxic empath prioritising their partner’s needs, while neglecting their own.
Hyper-empathy can be a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder, it is often caused by childhood neglect or abuse, or early trauma such as divorce or bereavement, which can trigger over developed sensitivity levels as an adult.
Is it safe to love a Toxic Empath? Establishing clear boundaries are obviously going to be important if you feel your partner might be showing signs of Toxic Empathy, and perhaps an honest conversation with someone impartial, to establish if your particular situation is manageable, or not.
If anything here has triggered you, I am here if you need to talk.
NO FEAR AND MUCH LOVE,
TANYA X
FAQs
Toxic empathy, or hyper-empathy syndrome, occurs when someone can thoroughly understand and empathize with the feelings and experiences of others, but they take it too far and end up placing others' needs ahead of their own. Toxic empathy can cause you to lose sight of your needs, harming your well-being.
What is it called when you have too much empathy? ›
Hyper-empathy syndrome. Hyper-empathy syndrome occurs when you are too in tune with other people's emotions and mirror them to the same intensity. In other words, you care too much. People with hyper-empathy may find it hard to regulate their emotions and may have a tendency to pick up on negative feelings.
What is unhealthy empathy? ›
Toxic empathy, also called hyper-empathy syndrome, is a type of empathy disorder where one struggles to regulate their emotions and empathizes with others so much it impacts their well-being. This contrasts empathy deficit disorder (EDD), where one lacks the ability to empathize with others.
Is having too much empathy a disorder? ›
But hyper empathy is not not a mental health 'syndrome' or something a psychologist or psychotherapist is going to diagnose you with, despite internet articles implying it is. So what we are really talking about here is letting empathy go too far, in ways that one could sometimes debate are still empathy at all.
What is an example of an empathy trap? ›
What is an Empathy Trap? Simply put, an empathy trap is when our empathy turns into enabling. For example, a family member isn't able to pay the rent, so we give them money. However, we may know or suspect — in the bottom of our hearts — the money isn't actually for rent.
Can too much empathy be a bad thing? ›
While this emotional contagion is suitable for positive states, having too much empathy when watching people suffer can be very upsetting and even lead to mental health problems.
What mental illness lacks empathy? ›
Some conditions may play a role in a lack of empathy such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), antisocial personality disorder, and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
When empathy becomes toxic? ›
Toxic empathy, or hyper-empathy syndrome, occurs when someone can thoroughly understand and empathize with the feelings and experiences of others, but they take it too far and end up placing others' needs ahead of their own. Toxic empathy can cause you to lose sight of your needs, harming your well-being.
What is toxic compassion? ›
Toxic Compassion is the prioritisation of short term emotional comfort over long-term outcomes. It optimises for appearing to do good, rather than actually doing good.
What are dark empaths? ›
The Dark Empath personality has high levels of narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and empathy. The Dark Empath is potentially more of a danger than a person with the Dark Triad traits. Dark Empath traits can be initially appealing because they create a superficially attractive person.
Hyper-empaths take everything on (noise, colour, conversation), so often find crowds overwhelming. Of course, there are many reasons why we might be flooded with emotion, but hyper-empaths are so tuned in to other people's feelings that the sensation of taking on someone else's experience is unmistakable.
What causes people to be overly empathetic? ›
Trauma: People who experience trauma early in life may develop high empathy as a way to protect themselves, as it may allow them to predict others' actions. A 2018 paper found a correlation between trauma exposure and high empathy and found that the more severe the trauma, the higher the empathy.
What is a Heyoka empath? ›
Heyoka empaths are like the cosmic jesters of the empathic realm. They have an innate ability to reflect back people's emotions in a way that's, well, unconventional. They're truth-tellers who use humor and paradox to help others see things from a fresh perspective.
What blocks empathy? ›
What blocks empathy? Apathy blocks empathy, because empathy requires curiosity. If we don't care how others feel or are close-minded, we won't make the effort to understand. Apathy leaves us emotionally disconnected from others, which is bad for us.
What is empathic distress? ›
Empathic distress is the strong aversive and self-oriented response to the suffering of others, accompanied by the desire to withdraw from a situation in order to protect one's self from excessive negative feelings.
What is empathy burnout? ›
Empathy burnout is common when individuals spend so much of their emotional strength relating deeply to the problems and stress of others that they forget to care for themselves.
What do you call someone with high empathy? ›
An empath is someone who feels more empathy than the average person. These people are usually more accurate in recognizing emotions by looking at another person's face. They are also more likely to recognize emotions earlier than other people and rate those emotions as being more intense.
What is a person who has a lot of empathy? ›
What's an empath? An empath is a person with a highly developed capacity to understand another person's perspective. They easily put themselves into other people's shoes to experience what they feel, allowing them to connect with others on a deeper level than most.
Is hyper empathy a symptom of ADHD? ›
Of course, none of this means that you don't share, understand, or care about others' feelings. In fact, Khan emphasizes that many people with ADHD are highly empathetic. When it comes to the link between ADHD and empathy, there's a lot to consider.
