How Many Friends Do You Really Need? (Published 2022) (2024)

Live|How Many Friends Do You Really Need?

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/07/well/live/adult-friendships-number.html

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Social circles were shrinking even before the pandemic. Here’s what the science says about the number of close friendships we should have.

An ongoing argument my husband and I have — which has become more contentious during the pandemic — is about how many friends we should have.

We both have one or two close friends and siblings we like to spend time with. Plus, we are busy parenting two young boys who sap most of our energy. As a textbook introvert, this feels like plenty of friends to me. Excessive, even. But my husband is an extrovert who comes alive around other people. As we slowly emerge from the pandemic, I can feel him yearning for more.

He’s not alone. For years, friendship in America has been in decline, a trend that accelerated during the pandemic. Three decades ago, 3 percent of Americans told Gallup pollsters they had no close friends; in 2021, an online poll put it at 12 percent. About a year into the pandemic, 13 percent of women and 8 percent of men age 30 to 49 said they’d lost touch with most of their friends.

There are health implications to all of this. Friendship can be an important factor in well-being, while loneliness and social isolation — distinct but related conditions — can be associated with an increased risk for conditions like depression and anxiety or heart disease and stroke. An often-cited 2010 meta-analysis led by Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University in Utah, concluded that loneliness is as harmful to physical health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

“It’s a natural question,” Dr. Holt-Lunstad said about the “ideal” number of friends. “Just like we have guidelines and recommendations for the amount of sleep we get and how physically active we are, this is health relevant.”

While she and other friendship researchers admit there aren’t many studies that have specifically tackled the question of how many friends people should aim for, those that have been done offer a range —and somewhere between three and six close friends may be the sweet spot.

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How Many Friends Do You Really Need? (Published 2022) (2024)

FAQs

How many friends does the average person have in 2022? ›

Number of close friends

A narrow majority of adults (53%) say they have between one and four close friends, while a significant share (38%) say they have five or more.

How many friends does a person really need? ›

Though research and experts suggest having three to six close friends is the sweet spot for life satisfaction, it truly depends on the individual. Ask yourself honestly whether you feel you have enough friends — that's your answer. Focus on making these relationships positive, quality friendships to reap the benefits.

How many friends should you have research? ›

There's no “right” number of friends you should have, but research says most people have between 3 and 5 close friends. Friendship is necessary, but it can feel challenging to find people who really “get” you. What's more, what you need from your friends might change as your life circ*mstances change.

Is it okay to not have many friends? ›

The bottom line. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter how many friends you have. If you don't feel the need to make more friends, trust your instincts without letting the opinions of others sway you. That said, loneliness can contribute to mental health symptoms, including anxiety and depression.

What percentage of adults have no friends? ›

In the United States, for example, the share of people saying they have no close friends at all went up from 3 per cent in 1990 to 12 per cent in 2021, according to surveys by Gallup and the Survey Center on American Life.

How many friends do introverts have? ›

43% of Introverts and 38% of Extraverts report having 3–4 people in their primary friend group. 20% of Introverts and 29% of Extraverts report having 5–6 people in their primary friend group. 9% of Introverts and 21% of Extraverts report having 7+ people in their primary friend group.

Is it normal to not have friends as an adult? ›

Is it normal to have no friends? Reports suggest that many adults report having few friends or none at all.

How many lifelong friends does the average person have? ›

According to new research, we make just 29 real friends in our lifetime and only 6 of them last the distance.

How many friends can you realistically have? ›

By using the average human brain size and extrapolating from the results of primates, he proposed that humans can comfortably maintain 150 stable relationships. There is some evidence that brain structure predicts the number of friends one has, though causality remains to be seen.

How many friends does the average American have? ›

A slim majority of adults surveyed (53%) said they have between one and four close friends. 38% said they had about five or more.

How many friends does the average man have? ›

Men appear to have suffered a far steeper decline than women. Thirty years ago, a majority of men (55 percent) reported having at least six close friends. Today, that number has been cut in half. Slightly more than one in four (27 percent) men have six or more close friends today.

What are the 7 pillars of friendship? ›

The Seven Pillars of Friendship are Language, shared upbringing, education, hobbies, worldview, humour, and musical tastes.

How many friends is too little? ›

All you need is three (or four, or five)

Out of dozens of connections, the number of close friendships people have, Dunbar found, is five. Similarly, a 2020 study found that having three to five close friends is enough to feel fulfilled.

Is it rare to have no friends? ›

How many people say "I have no friends?" While you might feel alone in your solitude, it is actually more common than you think. One survey suggested that 27% of millennials reported having no close friends, while 22% reported having no friends at all.

How many friends does the average person make? ›

According to a 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends. According to this survey: 49% report having 3 or fewer close friends. 36% report having between 4 and 9 close friends.

Is 100 friends a lot? ›

His studies show that our brains can handle about 150 friendships (known as Dunbar's number) due to limitations in attention span and time. In reality, this number varies between 100 and 250 (hello, introverts?).

How many friends should a 13 year old have? ›

Some pre-teens and teenagers prefer having 1-2 close friends, rather than socialising in a big group. If your child is like this but seems generally happy and content, there's no need to do anything. Teenagers don't always feel more socially connected in a big group.

How many friends does the average 14-year-old have? ›

23). Additionally, pooling 65 estimates reported in 21 articles reflecting 19 datasets, youth nominated 5.75 friends on average (SE = . 39). Early adolescents (10 - 14 years) nominated significantly more best friends than adolescents (15 - 18 years).

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