People with fewer friends are more likely to attract new friends than people who already have a wide social circle — but they think the opposite is true, a January study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found.
The study demonstrated what the authors call "the friend number paradox," or the concept that we think we'll attract more friends if we're more popular, but at the same time are more interested in befriending others if we know their posse is small.
"Social relationships are key to our well-being, yet our lay beliefs are often wrong and we adopt suboptimal strategies when we initiate these relationships," study author Xianchi Dai, an associate professor of marketing at The Chinese University of Hong Kong Business School, told Insider.
He hopes this line of research helps people develop strong social relationships, something so critical a lack of them has been shown to be as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That was from before the coronavirus pandemic and the accompanying loneliness epidemic.
Now, Dai said, "building social connections and receiving social support are unprecedentedly important."
The researchers conducted speed-friending studies
Dai and colleagues conducted six studies looking at both online and in-person befriending scenarios.
The first three studies presented participants with scenarios to assess the discrepancy between what they predicted others would want in as a friend, and what they wanted in a friend. The researchers found people want high-quality relationships — harder to get from someone with lots of friends — but forget that when guessing what others want in them.
They also found they could help correct this discrepancy by reminding participants that, in fact, social butterflies may have less to give.
The other three "speed-friending" studies involved friend-seekers interacting, or expecting to interact, with the aim of initiating long-term friendships.
In one study, participants created profiles of themselves and chose someone else to befriend based on their profiles. Another included a live speed-friending event on campus.
"In such events, people with the largest number of friends in their session were indeed the least likely to obtain an opportunity of initiating a potentially long-term relationship," Dai said, adding that the results were consistent no matter folks' age or gender.
The findings demonstrate humans' ego-centric viewpoint
The researchers say people's natural egocentric viewpoint contributes to the "friend number paradox." That is, we're more apt to put our (in this case, false) predictions about ourselves onto others than to put ourselves in other people's shoes and apply those insights to us.
We also tend to see the positive aspects of having more friends, like signaling a good personality or possessing "precious resources that others seek," in ourselves. We see the negatives, like not having enough time or energy to sustain a friendship, in others, Dai said.
It's possible that other factors explain this discrepancy, the researchers say. Maybe we prefer less popular people because we're worried about rejection from queen bees. We might also think choosing someone whose circle is smaller than ours boosts our social clout.
No matter the potential causes, Dai said the findings suggest people shouldn't "show off" a large friend number when seeking new connections.
FAQs
The 'friend number paradox' helps explain why certain people attract more friends. People are more attractive as friends if they don't have many to begin with, a study found. At the same time, people think being more popular makes them more appealing to potential pals.
What is the friend number paradox? ›
The friendship paradox is the phenomenon first observed by the sociologist Scott L. Feld in 1991 that on average, an individual's friends have more friends than that individual. It can be explained as a form of sampling bias in which people with more friends are more likely to be in one's own friend group.
How does the friendship paradox work? ›
The friendship paradox was first studied by Scott Feld in the context of social networks (Feld 1991). It states that the average number of friends of the collection of friends of individuals in a social network will be higher than the average number of friends of the collection of the individuals themselves.
Why do some people need more friends? ›
Some people have higher social needs than others, which means they may want to have a greater number of friends. Those who value their alone time may need fewer friends, and that's OK too. In general, based on 2021 survey data, the average person in America has between 3 and 5 close friends.
What does the friendship paradox within the social network most people have? ›
As per the friendship paradox within a social network, most people can be considered to have lesser friends than their friends might have. The reason why this happens is stated as sampling bias in people that have more friends. These people tend to be part of more than their own friend's circle or group.
Is there an answer to a paradox? ›
The purpose of a paradox is less to be answered, and more to be contemplated. Paradoxes don't have one, straight answer. Think about one popular example: “Is the answer to this question no?” There are several different variations, but the sentiment behind it stays the same.
What is paradox number? ›
A mathematical paradox is a mathematical conclusion so unexpected that it is difficult to accept even though every step in the reasoning is valid. A mathematical fallacy, on the other hand, is an instance of improper reasoning leading to an unexpected result that is patently false or absurd.
What is the 7 friend rule? ›
According to TikTok, everyone has 7 friends. You don't need a giant social circle to get by—you just need 7 pals that support and uplift you! Each of these friends plays an important role and offers a unique perspective, giving you a rich and fulfilling social life.
What is the number one rule of friendship? ›
1. Trust. Being able to have trust and confidence in your friend is one of the most important requirements of a strong relationship because true friendship means you are able to count on one another. Part of caring for a friend is honoring what they tell you, no matter the significance, with confidentiality and respect ...
What is the rich friends paradox? ›
The friendship paradox has been generalized to non-topological characteristics in social networks, such as happiness and wealth (people's friends are happier and richer than they are, on average)2. The positive correlation between network degree and various characteristics is the origin of this generalization.
Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also: Increase your sense of belonging and purpose. Boost your happiness and reduce your stress.
What leads to friendship? ›
Similarity in terms of behavioral characteristics and activity preferences becomes increasingly important by middle childhood. As people enter adolescence and adulthood, similarity in terms of attitudes, values, and beliefs, as well as shared interests and activities, may be the basis for forming friendships.
Why do some people make friends easily? ›
People who make friends easily are naturally curious and tend to not be afraid to ask questions or just get to know the other person better. They are not afraid to ask questions and have a genuine interest in knowing more about others.
What destroys and ends friendship? ›
Being Self-Centered: Always making the friendship about yourself, your needs, and your problems without showing genuine interest in your friend's life can be detrimental. It may be beneficial to spend time focusing on your friend from time to time.
What is the proof of friendship paradox? ›
A social network is a graph. The nodes are the individual members and the edges represent connectivity. The number of connections from a node to all other nodes represents the number of links (or friends) of that node. This is the purported proof of the friendship paradox.
When friendships are not equal? ›
Friendships can feel unbalanced when one person doesn't share much. Some people have a harder time opening up about emotional distress or other difficulties. They might deflect questions about their personal life and avoid sharing anything beyond superficial details about themselves.
What is the number of friends theory? ›
According to the theory, the tightest circle has just five people – loved ones. That's followed by successive layers of 15 (good friends), 50 (friends), 150 (meaningful contacts), 500 (acquaintances) and 1500 (people you can recognise).
What is the magic number of friends? ›
By using the average human brain size and extrapolating from the results of primates, he proposed that humans can comfortably maintain 150 stable relationships. There is some evidence that brain structure predicts the number of friends one has, though causality remains to be seen.
Is there an answer to Russell's paradox? ›
In short, ZFC's resolved the paradox by defining a set of axioms in which it is not necessarily the case that there is a set of objects satisfying some given property, unlike naive set theory in which any property defines a set of objects satisfying it.
